Viva Vuvu!

It’s not often I say PE (Port Elizabeth, South Africa for my Kazakhstan readers) is the place to be. It is tomorrow. But perhaps not for the elitists who want to take over our 2010 World Cup with their poncy “kuduzelas” (designed to appease non-Africans such as Fifa head honcho Sepp Blatter, who is fretting that 60,000 vuvuzelas in a stadium might give our wussy World Cup visitors a migraine).

But, according to The Sowetan, South Africa’s traditional vuvuzela (the People’s choice of weapon to cheer on our heroes) is fighting back. A loud paaaarp goes out to Vodacom which will hand out 20,000 free vuvus before the Chiefs v Pirates game at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium tomorrow night. Vuvucom is hoping to spur the crowd on to creating a new Guinness Book of Records’ mark with 30 volunteers urging the crowd to create a vuvu crescendo for 30 seconds before kick-off. 

Nice one. Truly South African. I don’t suppose Sepp “He Who Must Be Obeyed” Blatter will be champagning it up in the VIP box for this one.

Read more.

How to get yourself shot

1. The above headline is a good example of a misleading and sensationalist headline the media, especially newspapers, uses at whim to draw the reader into the story. Kind of like sticking up a poster of Megan Fox outside an Umbilo brothel. OK. Sorry. I did it. Not the Megan poster. The headline. Shall we move on to the real story?

2: How to get yourself shot by The Sartorialist. The who? The Sartorialist is an American oke who knows his way around fine threads and is making a tidy living out of telling people what to wear to be photographed by, er, The Sartorialist. Fine. No chance of my red hat being cross-haired by his street-savvy lens then. I’m fine with that. What I totally dig about “The Sart” is the must-have flowchart he had fellow-trendroids draw up to advise street stylistas on what to put on of a morning to stand a chance of making it into one of his fashion bibles.

Best you slip into your best Laugh It Off tee before chuckling at this…


So much of mirth. Who said fashionistas (yes, I know you hate being called that) take themselves seriously? And The Sart ingeniously gives us all hope that, one day, we too could appear in his books. So much of clever. I like that. I’ll bet my best Mr Price scarf on The Sart falling into the category of “Old, Rich and European” (see flowchart). But with a whole range of Koji Yamaha scarves in his Lars Groningen hand-made wardrobe.

Oh, I snuffled this tasty titbit out of Justine Stafford’s top-notch style blog. Check it out here

Before I’m tagged as a plagiarista. And shot.

Pay attention, class!

Right, settle down kids… and stop fidgeting with your iPhone, Elspeth!

Here’s your marine biology lesson for today. And listen up, kidzoids… I’ll be asking questions tomorrow.

I give you two sea creatures. One ugly and as mean as Julius Malema with killer tentacles (note the careful construction of this sentence to avoid accusations of hate speech) and one uber-sweet and happy little fellow (girls, you’ll love “Squiglet”). (more…)

Boeing… Boeing… Boinnnng!

Gather around, dear Hatpeople, while we peruse an airshow snap that has come the way of Fredpix. Red Hat off to my dedicated Virginia Airshow (Durban, South Africa) correspondent, Cole Ishun, for procuring this piece of pictorial canniness from aeroplane snapper, Emil Watson.

Put out your ciggies, fasten your seatbelts and prepare for a little turbulence…



Fredtip for the weekend: Wear space helmet to ATM

This story is a little stale but I should remind you to dress up for your next visit to draw dosh at your bank’s ATM (aka ARYOM, Automatic Rip You Off Machine).

Some banks have armed their ATMs with a pepper spray device, ostensibly to get up the noses of those Proudly South African citizens who incline towards helping themselves to some of the bank’s equally ill-gotten gains.

But, as tends to happen with ingenious Souff Effrikan brainwaves, all is not quite functioning to optimal requirements. In other words, an entire shopping centre in Fish Hoek, near Cape Town, was invited to get a whiff of this stunning invention.

Sniff this

Absa. What a bunch of chops. But, wait. Can you, er, sniff a biz opp here. That’s right. Set up your stall near any whiffy ATMs and flog a range of goggles, masks, spacesuits, suits of armour and any stuff to have you looking like those okes out of Nip and Tuck. Nice. Might catch on. Could even be big for fashionistas in 2010.

There you go. That entrepreneurial spirit. What South Africans do best. When we’re not busy blinding our bank customers.