For one month only, this month of Movember, the whingeing of female partners are given the hairy sneer as we men do what we have to do. Grow our mo’s in support of Cansa, the organisation highlighting the perils to we men of the cancers that dare nibble at our prostate glands and testes. Not at all nice.

So we’re doing our bit, aren’t we mo bro’s? Yes, we are. And if you’ve been giving into threats of no sexualness if you grow Mo, then no mo respect from us mo bro’s, oh kay. OK. I’m stopping this right now.

Seriously, dudes, it is incumbent upon you as a male with mo growth potential to adjust the flightpath of the old Gillette V8 Turbo-charged RX Twin-Engine to make way for top-lip sprouting. So get to it. I published on here last week a pictorial guide to the ‘taches one can cultivate – refresh your memory right here - so you have no no-mo sexcuse. Mmmm.

Celebrities no less luminary than 2oceansvibe blogger and supermodel-endorsed Camps Bay sex symbol Seth Rotherham, Hilton First XV (and Springbok) rugger-playing legend Bob Skinstad and Umdloti tree-feller (and the Heart & Sole’s Durban to Cape Town unicycling nutter ) Geoff “Heartman” Brink are resisting unreasonable demands from their women for smooth-lipped snogging to sport their mo’s for a good cause. So you, highly unlikely to cross lips with the level of stunners they get sexually harangued by on an almost hourly basis, can do same. Right?

Right. I feel like we’re all beginning to wobble our moustaches to the same hymnsheet here. Good. We’ll move on.

Taking this to the next level, Seth, the aforementioned blogger and sex symbol extraordinaire etc, has cheekily challenged – Camps Bay’s finest rolls like that – my boy The Heartman to a “mo-off” to see who will be wearing the hairiest beast come the end of Movember. Are we up for that? Look, if we (I mean he) can ride a unicycle 1,700km only to land up in a spot like Cape Town, we’re not likely to shy away from a moustache-cultivation contest, are we? No. Well done. You weren’t wrong there.

So here’s how our two stellar Mo Bro’s square up at Phase One of “The Great Umdloti vs Camps Bay Mo-Off”. In the windy Camps Bay corner, I give you… the Caprice Supermodels’ favourite, Sethhhh Ro-the-the-therham!

Fine. Nothing wrong with that. Nice scarf. And Seth's "Porn Star" mo, set off by his ubiquitous RayBans, reminds me of a movie I once wrote as a vehicle for Sean Penn. I'm more deeply troubled by the amount of washing-up to be clearly seen in the background of this shot taken at the legendary Safe House. I strongly suspect that Mavis, Seth's domestic executive and compulsive gambler, might have been wedged in at GrandWest Casino since her last payday. But that's none of my business, is it?

No, it isn’t. So let’s swing around to my boy, waiting patiently in the sunkissed Umdloti corner… laydeez and, er, laydeez, I present to you Geoff “Heartman” Briiiiink!

Oh my hatness! That's a quite different vibe our boy is putting out there, don't you think? More Hulk Hogan in the ring than Sean Penn in whatever that movie was, methinks. Yes, our treefelling unicyclist has opted, quite appropriately, for the "Trucker" look and he looks to be fine with that, doesn't he?

Yes, he certainly does. Only nine days into Movember and Heartman is enjoying quite a healthy turnout around his laughing gear. Except he ain’t laughing, is he? I think old Heartie’s taking this all rather sneeringly. Even as his friend, personal blogger and publicist for his 1,700km unicycling nuttiness, I’m a tad unnerved by that lazy eye manoeuvre he’s throwing out!

OK. So there are our two contestants in “South Africa’s Got Tache”, I mean the “Great Camp’s Bay vs Umdloti Hairy Monster Mo-Off”. Coolness. I’ll update you with Phase Two of this competition next week when I hope to receive new snaps of our boys doing their bit for a great cause.

Oh, how could I forget our guest mo-star-bro for tonight, the one and only Bob Skinstad? Bob weighed in late today from England with a shot of his new “Trucker” vibe. So, without further hairdo, here is our SuperSport rugby commentator, Toad-in-the-Hole pub and restaurant owner and the brains behind the Bob\’s for Good “shoes for kids” campaign, Misssster Bob Skinnnnnstad….

Yowzerness! Amazing how a 'tache can make even fresh-faced dudes such as Bob look well hard! It's still early doors but Bob's mo is looking almost as lush as the paddock at Stade de France where our man will issue us with pearls of insight when the Boks lash France on Friday night...

Which has got me hoping that our boykies will have tried to copy that original retro-mo vibe of Die Snor himself, their coach Pieter de Villiers who, I am reliably informed, has been carrying around that moustache of his since the day he was born. Looks that way, hey? Fine. So we’re all growing what we can to raise awareness of the cancers that target our gender. And, remember, just keep a, er, stiff upper lip in the face of any feminine wilinesses to get you to shave it off. Twenty-one days hath Movember left!