Lion snacks on British journo… more to be served up at WC2010?
An exclusive interview with the spokescat of the South African Somewhat Dangerous Lions Society reveals that local lions, especially those which roam wild and free in the coastal bush around Hatman Mansions here in Umdloti, are licking their lips at the prospect of huge amounts of prime British beef being served up at World Cup 2010.
Before I go on, would you like to watch a clip of London Daily Telegraph travel writer Charlie Starmer Smith having a chunk of his leg removed by a playful “teenager” at a “lion sanctuary” in the Limpopo province? I think you do. No, really, you do. If it’s the only thing you do do today, watch this. Crack open a cold beer and get the biltong out, dearest children of Africa, and enjoy…
NOTE: The videolink (below) has been secreted away by shadowy villains in balaclavas. Am negotiating with Daily Telegraph to have it restored. Please pop by later for an incredible video! Thanks, Fred 
OK. Update. The Daily Telegraph not happy to share their vid with me. I’m only allowed to link to the vid, not host it. Fine. Mutter, mutter. Here’s the link to their site and you can watch it there. It’s unbelievable… (remember to return for my wrap-up of a lion’s lekker lunch!)
Update 2: For those interested in how some large news organisations (traditional media) treat the “little people” of online media read the post by journalism.co.uk, a British journalists’ organisation, who suffered the same fate as myself after posting the video of a rather low-in-brain-cell-count Telegraph travel writer being chomped by a South African lion. Read it here.. Nice.
Jislaaik. Eina! Eish! Heavens to bleedin’ Char, er, Betsy! How was that for you? I thought you’d like that. Better than any pseudo-reality Survivor or Lost show on the telly, huh? I very much enjoyed myself. And, red hat off to Charlie, so did he. He did, didn’t he? He said that he couldn’t wait to tell his mates back home. And, when the doctor or vet or white sangoma or whatever he is said that was the first time he had treated a lion bite, good old Charlie replied: “How cool is that?”.
Very cool, Charlie. It was also, like, totally rad to observe that the good old dig-the-trenches-and-get-stuck-in-old-chap British spirit is surprisingly alive and well after all these years of Brits being globally regarded as a bunch of whingeing losers. You showed us Churchillian derring-do. You showed us a Bruno-istic determination to grab any opportunity to get well beaten up for a laugh, a Flintoffian bravado which enabled you to perform for the cameras despite carrying an injury.
You also showed what I had always thought to be a uniquely South African trait – to ignore a great big “Warning” sign that politely suggests that terrible harm might befall you and go in anyway. And take the word of a typically mischievous Afrikaner that, despite the presence of an animal commonly referred to as the “King of the Jungle” which has big teeth and preys on your sense of fear, it was fine to come over all playful and give it a good shove when the cheeky so-and-so got a bit rough.
Nice. We like that in South Africa. And so do our lions. Gosh. So much to look forward to when the world’s football fans – and incredibly wildlife-friendly British journalists – come to play with us next June.
