OK. So my tweetdick is (much) bigger than 2oceanvibe’s. Just saying.

Look. I think that men who go on and on about the size of their penises lack self-esteem and are childish. But, for once, I will release my inner childishness. And the size of my dick. Wait. This is all in the public interest. Trust me.

Blame it on Seth Rotherham, of 2oceansvibe blogging fame. He started it. Rothers likes to bang on about his personal suite at the Cape Royale Hotel, his latest Audi R8 Spyder and his twenis size. His what? Well, the little blogger found a site that measures tweeple (people who use Twitter) and their status on the humungously popular social network by penis size.

Women who use Twitter are not spared this form of social profiling. Nice. No trace of gender discrimination there. I like that. Why shouldn’t women feel what it’s like to have a twenis? All good fun, hey? But then Seth, overjoyed by the revelation of the size of his twitdick, splashes it all over his blog for all to see. And thereby opens the proverbial can of worms. Or, in his case, worm.

So. laydeez and, er, laydeez, let us, for a brief moment, plug into Seth’s twenis vibe…

A worm

A worm

Ag, shame. 40.3cm. What’s that in inches? Um. I actually make that over 15 inches. Not too shabby, Rothers. I have to say I’m quite impressed. A lot of Cape Town girls would find that more than acceptable.

So, heart in my mouth, I clicked on Seth’s, er, link to the “e-penis” site to see how I measure up. Nerve-wrackingness, I tell you. I mean this is important. Any woman who tells you that size doesn’t matter is either nurturing your fragile ego or lives in Cape Town and is desperate. Size matters. A lot. It always has. It always will. Get over it.

So, if you’re all sitting comfortably and appropriately fortified by a stiff drink or some or other illegal substance (and shooed the kids away to a safe haven), here are my results…

I'm fine with that

I'm fine with that

It’s OK. You can come out from behind the sofa. It’s only a picture. But quite something, hey? 53.4cm. That does sound about right. But let’s see how that translates into inches (because we still talk in inches, don’t we, ladies?) OK. My tweetdick weighs in at just a few layers of skin over 21 inches. Whopperness!

And didn’t you enjoy those little illustrative flourishes that theĀ e-penis site obviously reserves for the bigger boys. I’m not going into any detail because this is, after all, a family blog. But I’m sure that you noticed that the sweet little Twitter bird sitting at the head of it all looks very worried and clearly suffers from some kind of vertigo. But, all in all, I’m quite pleased with the outcome. Nice turnout. But, being the discreet and rather reserved type, unlike Mr Rotherham of of 2oceansvibe, I’m going to keep this stunning victory all to myself. As real men do.

That’s just the way I roll… and roll… and unroll. Understated and overhung. Just saying.


  1. jimbaloosh
    Sep 26, 2009 @ 07:55:42

    Its what you do with a big one…

  2. fred hatman
    Sep 26, 2009 @ 09:28:42

    Well said @jimbaloosh… and that comes with experience, old chap ;)

  3. Seth Rotherham
    Sep 28, 2009 @ 22:34:34

    That’s pretty serious!! Good on you! use it with caution!

    my best,


  4. fred hatman
    Sep 29, 2009 @ 08:50:57

    Nice one, Seth. I like that. You’ve handled being out-twenised like a real man. Mind you, you’re swanning around in an Audi R8 Spyder which must count as having the biggest penis in Cape Town! :) Best, Fred

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