There are some countries in the world where, in order to survive, you really have to develop a sense of humour.
Not among them, for reasons which are patently obvious, are the United States of America and The Republic of Cape Town.
On the list of “laugh or die” nations are Britain (formerly known as Great Britain, where the weather requires you to look on the sunny side or sink into manic depression), Kazakhstan (because they begat Borat), Australia (because it consists almost entirely of red sand, sportsmen are taken more seriously than politicians and because they have seriously weird animals like kangaroos and koala bears) and South Africa, not including Cape Town because Cape Town doesn’t wish to be included (where we have such a terrible history that the only way to forget it is to find things about it to laugh at).
A bunch of people who do it better than most (except perhaps Archbishop Desmond Tutu, bless his cotton frock, comic genius Pieter-Dirk Uys and those who hang around Julius Malema and have to listen to what he spews out) are the clever people behind ZANews (the Mail & Guardian’s TV news programme.
As I mentioned to you before, ZANews has the utter brilliance of satirical cartoonist Zapiro behind it and provides South Africans with a Spitting Images-like pisstake of our piss-poor politicans and the other imbeciles who have managed to clamber over the hapless electorate to reach liberation’s Holy Grail… living in a zoosh mansion, driving a fleet of fancy cars, wearing the trendiest labels and getting increasingly fatter while doing absolutely nothing at all.
So, if you’ve all made yourselves comfy on your fave milk crate in your unelectrified and dingy hut, I’ll flick the switch on the old projector and we can watch ZANews’ latest offering…
Hilariousness. I nearly wet my broeks. How are yours? Best you check, hey? I particularly loved the bit where Jacob Za-za-Zuma and Bok coach Pieter de Snor were asked by Tim to comment on the peccadillo of former Springbok scrummie Joost van der Westhuizen who “cheated” on his wife by practising his diving pass technique on top of a floozy while tripping on cocaine.
You just have to love Pieter de Villiers, hey? Nobody (well, the old school rugby fans, namely the Souff Effrikan honkies) gave him a charcoal’s chance in hell of coaching the Springboks to victory against Namibia. Die Snor not only coached South Africa to Tri-Nations victory and a series win against the British and Irish Lions, but has regularly drop-kicked us gems of thigh-slappingly hilarious humour of the “local is lekker” variety. The man’s a legend. An exceedingly little legend. But still a legend.
And so is Joost. Yes. He still is. Not only was he the world’s best scrum-half of his era but he has shown us he is also human (rare among rugby players). To err is to be human. Joost, er, erred. What’s the big deal? Oh, he didn’t own up to his missus? Please. Most men don’t. That’s how they’re wired. Thing is, we’re not wired to be monogamous either. Nor are some women. There. I said it. OK? Deal with it. Just don’t give this moral high ground bollocks which has fed the media frenzy around “sex cheat” Joost and the “poor” Amor Vittone.
Life is about choices. How did this post become so serious? I chose it. Joost chose to cock up and is regretting it. It’s his life. It’s his journey in life. What I find far more abhorrent are the outpourings of moral outrage from people who only feel better about themselves when other people, especially people falsely placed on a social pedestal, get caught doing the naughty stuff they only fantasise about doing. It’s called hypocrisy. And political and religious institutions are particularly good at it.
When we can be absolutely certain that all priests and politicians have stopped fondling little boys and are actually practising what they preach, then and only then might it become acceptable to pass judgment on other ordinary human beings.
Good gollyness! I don’t know where that sermon came from. So much for having a laugh! OK. I’m totally lightening up for my next post… part two of “You just have to laugh… at Capetonians!” Stand by your “SA-positive” blog, Hatpeople!