World Cup Draw highlight: loads of tall blondes to come to Durban!
Slick on the draw. South Africa and neighbouring independent state The Republic of Cape Town put on quite a show when hosting the Fifa World Cup 2010 finals draw.
Star of the show – and she certainly wasn’t leaving anybody in any doubt – was former Benoni bokkie Charlize Theron who was incredibly self-assured and didn’t sound or act like any Benoni bokkie I’ve come across (and there have been at least two).
Springbok skipper John “Barndog” Smit proved to the world that South Africans and rugby players do have a sense of humour when he said he didn’t mind South Africa facing tough opponents France, Mexico and Uruguay in Group A. “We’ll get in some good practice before we hit the semis and final,” said The Barndog. Yeah, right.
David Beckham, who everybody raves about more because of what he wears and the stick insect to whom he’s married than how he can bend a football behind defences, showed his London East End-bred humour by greeting our Benoni bokster with a “‘Ello sweetheart” and displaying his latest hairdo confection in the shape of a badger that’s been dragged through a hedge backwards. Nice, Becks.
OK. Time for a pic before I remind you of the full draw and give you the most authoritative assessment of the draw you’ll read anywhere (on an Umdloti blog)…
Fifa minion Jerome-ah Falcke-ah gives-ah us-ah a draw card action while David "Hedgehoghead" Beckham tries to catch our Charlize's attention with a handy signal of how big he is. Ooh, bee-have Dave! Pic courtesy of guardian.co.uk
Without any further hair-do, here’s that draw (with my hometown Durban’s fixtures in bold)…
Full groups for the 2010 World Cup finals
Group A South Africa, Mexico, Uruguay, France
Group B Argentina, Nigeria, South Korea, Greece
Group C England, USA, Algeria, Slovenia
Group D Germany, Australia, Ghana, Serbia
Group E Holland, Japan, Cameroon, Denmark
Group F Italy, New Zealand, Paraguay, Slovakia
Group G Brazil, North Korea, Ivory Coast, Portugal
Group H Spain, Honduras, Chile, Switzerland
Provisional match schedule
GROUP A
Match 1, June 11 1500: South Africa v Mexico (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 2, June 11 1930: Uruguay v France (Cape Town)
Match 17, June 16 1930: South Africa v Uruguay (Pretoria)
Match 18, June 17 1230: France v Mexico (Polokwane)
Match 33, June 22 1500: Mexico v Uruguay (Rustenburg)
Match 34, June 22 1500: France v South Africa (Bloemfontein)
GROUP B
Match 3, June 12 1230: Argentina v Nigeria (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 4, June 12 1500: South Korea v Greece (Port Elizabeth)
Match 19, June 17 1500: Greece v Nigeria (Bloemfontein)
Match 20, June 17 1930: Argentina v South Korea (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 35, June 22 1930: Nigeria v South Korea (Durban)
Match 36, June 22 1930: Greece v Argentina (Polokwane)
GROUP C
Match 5, June 12 1930: England v USA (Rustenburg)
Match 6, June 13 1230: Algeria v Slovenia (Polokwane)
Match 22, June 18 1500: Slovenia v USA (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 23, June 18 1930: England v Algeria (Cape Town)
Match 37, June 23 1500: Slovenia v England (Port Elizabeth)
Match 38, June 23 1500: USA v Algeria (Pretoria)
GROUP D
Match 7, June 13 1500: Germany v Australia (Durban)
Match 8, June 13 1930: Serbia v Ghana (Pretoria)
Match 21, June 18 1230: Germany v Serbia (Port Elizabeth)
Match 24, June 19 1230: Ghana v Australia (Rustenburg)
Match 39, June 23 1930: Ghana v Germany (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 40, June 23 1930: Australia v Serbia (Nelspruit)
GROUP E
Match 9, June 14 1230: Holland v Denmark (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 10, June 14 1500: Japan v Cameroon (Bloemfontein)
Match 25, June 19 1500: Holland v Japan (Durban)
Match 26, June 19 1930: Cameroon v Denmark (Pretoria)
Match 43, June 24 1930: Denmark v Japan (Rustenburg)
Match 44, June 24 1930: Cameroon v Holland (Cape Town)
GROUP F
Match 11, June 14 1930: Italy v Paraguay (Cape Town)
Match 12, June 15 1230: New Zealand v Slovakia (Rustenburg)
Match 27, June 20 1230: Slovakia v Paraguay (Bloemfontein)
Match 28, June 20 1500: Italy v New Zealand (Nelspruit)
Match 41, June 24 1500: Slovakia v Italy (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 42, June 24 1500: Paraguay v New Zealand (Polokwane)
GROUP G
Match 13, June 15 1500: Ivory Coast v Portugal (Port Elizabeth)
Match 14, June 15 1930: Brazil v North Korea (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 29, June 20 1930: Brazil v Ivory Coast (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 30, June 21 1230: Portugal v North Korea (Cape Town)
Match 45, June 25 1500: Portugal v Brazil (Durban)
Match 46, June 25 1500: North Korea v Ivory Coast (Nelspruit)
GROUP H
Match 15, June 16 1230: Honduras v Chile (Nelspruit)
Match 16, June 16 1500: Spain v Switzerland (Durban)
Match 31, June 21 1500: Chile v Switzerland (Port Elizabeth)
Match 32, June 21 1930: Spain v Honduras (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 47, June 25 1930: Chile v Spain (Pretoria)
Match 48, June 25 1930: Switzerland v Honduras (Bloemfontein)
LAST 16
Match 49, June 26 1500: Winner Group A v Runner-up Group B (Port Elizabeth)
Match 50, June 26 1930: Winner Group C v Runner-up Group D (Rustenburg)
Match 51, June 27 1500: Winner Group D v Runner-up Group C (Bloemfontein)
Match 52, June 27 1930: Winner Group B v Runner-up Group A (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 53, June 28 1500: Winner Group E v Runner-up Group F (Durban) NB: Probably Holland vs one of Paraguay and Slovakia.
Match 54, June 28 1930: Winner Group G v Runner-up Group H (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
Match 55, June 29 1500: Winner Group F v Runner-up Group E (Pretoria)
Match 56, June 29 1930: Winner Group H v Runner-up Group G (Cape Town)
QUARTER-FINALS
Match 57, July 2 1500: Winner of Match 53 v Winner of Match 54 (Port Elizabeth)
Match 58, July 2 1930: Winner of Match 49 v Winner of Match 50 (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Match 59, July 3 1500: Winner of Match 52 v Winner of Match 51 (Cape Town)
Match 60, July 3 1930: Winner of Match 55 v Winner of Winner of Match 56 (Ellis Park, Johannesburg)
SEMI-FINALS
Match 61, July 6 1930: Winner Match 58 v Winner Match 57 (Cape Town)
Match 62, July 7 1930: Winner Match 59 v Winner Match 60 (Durban)… NB: Most likely Argentina vs Germany!
THIRD-PLACE PLAY-OFF
Match 63, July 10 1930: Loser Match 61 v Loser Match 62 (Port Elizabeth)
FINAL
Match 64, July 11 1930: Winner Match 61 v Winner Match 62 (Soccer City, Johannesburg)
Hey, are you still here? Coolness. My point-form summary (for what it’s worth):
* South Africa in a humungously tough group with world-class cheats France (who handballed my Irish mates out of the finals), Mexico and Uruguay and unlikely to progress further than their training ground due to fear and anxiety about letting down a nation which has no expectations of them at all.
* We in Durban will get to see playing live at our truly world-class new ground, the Moses Mabhida Stadium, Portugal vs Brazil and, probably, Argentina vs Germany in one of the semi-finals. Awesomeness overload.
* Durbs-on-Sea (and me in particular) will witness Holland play twice… which is totally epic as very tall and gorgeous blondes will travel over with the Dutch and undoubtedly romp in bikinis in our sub-tropical winter-warm bit of the Indian Ocean. I’m completely fine with that. And, as a bonus and as you can see right here, the Orange People have, unlike the whale-murdering Japanese and the odd Spaniard, embraced our vuvuzela like it’s their own. I offer a massive doff of the old red hat and a loud paaaarrrrp of my vuvu to our friends from Amsterdam and any other urban conurbations which exist in the Netherlands. Jy’s vreeslik welkom hier in Durban, maatjies. Especially your flaxen-locked Amazonians. *Insert winky face*