The Umdloti Interview No. 4: wildlife film director Andre Cronje

In the fourth of my weekly interviews with an interesting resident of Umdloti, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa – the idyllic seaside village in which I am blessed to live – I asked the Big Five questions of Andre Cronje, director of the Wild Touch programme on SABC.

Let’s have a quick look at him, shall we?

andre1
FH: You grew up in or near the bustling metropolis of Johannesburg, yet knew from a very early age that you wanted to be out in the bush and working with wildlife… how did that come about?

AC: You see, Jozi-city is one of the most hardcore jungles out there. If you look at any aerial shot of the place it’s striking how many trees there are, there are also some crazy animals lurking in the bushes. On a more serious note, most of my ancestors were hunters, farmers and fishermen. I guess a love and understanding for nature is in my blood.

FH: You have been involved with Wild Touch, SABC’s popular wildlife educational programme, since its inception and now direct the series. How did you get involved and what does working with the programme mean to you?

AC: I have been working in the television industry for 11 years now so you naturally get involved with the kind of projects that fits your profile. It’s important for me to believe in what I invest my time and effort in. Series Directing Wild Touch is very rewarding because I know that I’m involved with sharing something beautiful and important with the nation.

FH: We are constantly being alerted to horror stories related to the degradation of our environment. Working so closely with it, what is your experience of human abuse of the environment and what would your message be to the youth who are to inherit it?

AC: You said I must keep my answers short, this question might take days to answer! But I think if we look around us right now, you will see the answer. The abuse that’s visible in the environment is only a mirror of our abuse of ourselves. Just like the orangutang, we are also running out of living space and just like the fish in our rivers the polluted water will also kill us. If there is a message for the youth it would be to start a revolution! Don’t be as ignorant as me, your parents, your teachers or our world governments. Don’t accept the easy way out and do question what is going on around you.  To this day we are pretending that we don’t know that we are killing the earth and ourselves.

FH: A group of foreign visitors to South Africa (let’s say, ahem, a gaggle of gorgeous Scandinavian environmental science students, shall we?) arrive on your doorstep and demand to be shown the finest wildlife attractions our country has to offer. Where would you take them? And why?

AC: It depends… the Scandinavian  students can hang around my house for a week or so and they’ll get up close with vervet monkeys, various snakes, spiders, amphibians, whales, dolphins and the beautiful birds of prey that hang out here. If it’s a small group I’ll take them on a wilderness walk through the Umfolosi Game reserve. Am I allowed to punt any cool organisations on this blog? Check out www.wildernesstrails.org.za.

FH: Cool. OK. So, you’re often to be seen surfing off and skateboarding around our gem of a seaside village, Umdloti. And I happen to know that you live in a beautiful house hidden deep in the bush on a hill overlooking our bit of the Indian Ocean. How did you get to be such a lucky bugger? And, go on, make us all insanely jealous… please describe your paradisical living-in-Umdloti-vibe!

AC: Jeez, Hatman, you just blew my cover. I was put under  a witness protection programme several years ago and they forgot about me. I’ve been trying to get out of this lifestyle for years! Jokes aside, if you let go of your fear,  everything else happens naturally. I remember as a kid I dreamed that I was surfing some deserted island. Everyone around me always said that it’s a silly dream because I live in a city 600km away from the sea. So I thought F@*^ you all and I started imagining that my skateboard had no wheels and the concrete was water. The rest is history as I have since spent tmy life living my dreams.  I do want to encourage everyone to live their dreams, however far your imagination runs… though it’s crucial that you never forget this: “Concrete is not water” and you will get hurt along the way. So to answer your question about how I got to be such a lucky bugger… “no matter how hard you fall if you get up and try again, you will succeed”. Oh, and by the way this doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt like hell either.

FH: Nice one, Andre. Inspirationalness. Thanks. That website link again… http://www.wildernesstrails.org.za

I will ‘walk’ for Mayor of Umdloti

I know, I know. You can barely contain your excitement over the above headline. Understandable. But let me explain. I am thrilled that my good mate, Robert Burck (aka The Naked Cowboy) has relented and agreed to run for Mayor of New York City. He’ll be much warmer in The Mayoral Chambers. Don’t know if you’ve happened across Bob strumming his gee-tar in Times Square but he wears only Superman-like Y-fronts (in satin white)… even in sub-zero temperatures. “Aahm doin Snow Patrol today, dude,” he’d say to me on one of our trans-hemispherical phone calls.

Here’s Bob (on Snow Patrol)…

No lunchbox bulge in that weather

No lunchbox bulge in that weather

Check? I wasn’t porking you. He’s one tough guy, is our Naked Cowboy.

So why not? An almost buck-naked, tattooed, over-muscled busker run for New Yoik Mayor, I mean. Look at Durban. We’ve got Obed Mhlaba as Mayor (correctly prononunced as “mare” not “maya”). What does he do? Apart from occasionally kick a ball around with poor streetkids whenever a big soccer match hits town. He best exercise his kicking leg before the 2010 World Cup, don’t you think?

And perhaps we’d take him more seriously if he borrowed Doctor Mike’s banjo and strummed up some maskanda for us at Friday lunch-time. Naked. Hang on. An image just knocked loudly on head and I’ve slammed the door shut. No. Anyway, if you think I’m borrowing a line from Mercury columnist Greg “I want your job, Obed” Arde, it’s fine. He’s also a mate. And. like all of you, I want Greg installed as Mayor of Durban. Immediately.

Then there’s Boris Johnson. He’s Mayor of London. And a total nutter. As was Ken Livingstone before him (“Red” Ken’s sole passion was collecting newts. No pork. Google him.). Boris? Well, I worked with him at the Daily Telegraph and all I remember of the larger-than-life Dennis-the-Menace look-a-like is the time he went on holiday and left a large fish in his office fridge. Which would have been fine except he then switched the fridge off and naffed off to, erm, Lesbos for two weeks. It took the Torygraph staff nearly two weeks to pinpoint the source of the piscean stench. Not nice.

So there’s a long history of total prats running for mayoral office. And that’s why I’ll walk. Unlike Bob, Obed and Boris, I think even prats should maintain some dignity. So relax. No “The Naked Blogger” as Mayor of Umdloti.