Sod off, Japan! Ban whaling and then we might just talk vuvu…
News has reached Hatman Mansions that Japan’s football hierarchy is pleading with the South African Football Association to ban the use of vuvuzelas for World Cup 2010.
“We have requested that the South African FA cut that noise out,” Japan Football Association (JFA) president Motoaki Inukai was quoted as saying in Tuesday’s edition (today) of the Sankei Sports newspaper. “You can’t hear yourself speak. I will be bringing it up with Fifa president Sepp Blatter,” Inukai added, after Japan’s 0-0 draw with South Africa at the new Nelson Mandela Bay stadium in Port Elizabeth.
Ag, shame. They can’t hear themselves speak. Noonoos. Well, Mr Inukai, I will put my vuvuzela away long enough for you and your nation, from the man in the street right down to the Prime Minister, to hear this…
“Stop this…
Pic: Koichi Kamoshida/Getty Images
… and we in South Africa might just think about holding talks about possibly scheduling negotiations with you to stop this…”
But I’m not promising anything. I’m referring to the vuvuzela you see in the foreground of the picture, not the football fans. Unless you’re wanting to ban them too? Ban the vuvu, Japan, and you might as well ban the man blowing it. Because the two go together here in our country, South Africa. And have been going together for a long time now. A bit like you and sushi. Or, dare I say it, and I do, you and the senseless massacre of whales.
Go forth unto your government, Mr Inukai, and sort out the whale hunting thing and then we might listen to you about our vuvuzelas. If we can hear what you have to say, and you can hear yourself think, with a dozen vuvus parping in your face.
I apologise if I have been a little rude, Mr Inukai. But I, a medically “diagnosed SA-positive” South African, am getting a tad pissed off with foreigners telling us not to celebrate our beautiful game with our beautiful noise. A little exuberance at a football match never hurt anybody. But what would Japan know about exuberance, hey? Unless that’s the vibe you get from slaughtering the natural world’s biggest beasts.