Unlike most men I’m not into cars. I mean, I get into them – but only in order to arrive somewhere, not to get off over getting my hands greasy while fiddling with all that paraphernalia I only discover under the bonnet when Sipho at the garage fills up the water.
Look, I’ll admit to getting aroused at the sight of certain vehicles, most particularly when a highly customised Landy bounces past on a dirt road but, on the whole, the guy who wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance would classify me as a “romanticist” more impressed by the aesthetics of motorised transport than the “classicist” who spends every waking hour obsessing over what actually makes them work.
My car-romanticism nearly blew a gasket when this absolute stunner turned up in the main road of Stanford this week…
The thing of beauty known as an Oldsmobile. Yes, I know. Please remain calm. I have more…
I said, remain calm! Accelerating smoothly on…
So I had a creative moment and thought I’d show you Terry Haw’s house and a bit of Stanford’s main road as well. Shall we drive on?
Pics: Hatman Photography
Hope you enjoyed the ride. I did. But I don’t have R120,000 to drive this honey away. If you have, pop in to see Erwin at the New Junk Shop in Queen Victoria Street and he’ll tell you, with his inimitable charm and charisma, who to give your dosh to. Just don’t tell him I sent you. Toot!
Some people are of the opinion that the only good crocodile is a monster croc that’s eaten a few Australians. And then survives the ensuing terrible tummy bug to chomp on a few more.
But I think that’s very unkind and would never condone such cruelty. Cruelty to animals is just not my bag. So I’m appalled to learn that a giant crocodile measuring a stunning 6.5m (that’s about 22 feet from snout to tip of tail) was murdered in cold blood in Manangoora, up in the remote Northern Territory of Australia, after a few locals reported that some distant cousins had become even more distant. As in not seen by anybody since “Croc-zilla” moved into the area.
Shame. Shame on the Aussie nation for wasting such a beautiful specimen. The late and great Steve Irwin must be writhing in his grave. At a missed opportunity to engage in some riverine WWF with a croc of this magnitude.
Let’s have a look at this beast…
Nice. A young Australian girl is taught the valuable life lesson that trucks are of far more value to Aussie society than its indigenous wildlife.
That there is one gorgeous crocodile, is it not? And one very dead one. It’s crime? To nibble on a few Outbackers and get so big that it was terrifying the life out of the livestock that Manangoora farmers use to make a living. So somebody killed it. Sis. It is clear that the technique of darting wild animals and moving them to a place of safety, employed almost on a worldwide basis, hasn’t yet reached Manangoora.
Outrageous. Manangoorans are clearly a bunch of wusses. If we happened across a stunning croc such as this one here in Stanford, we’d just ask Oom Jan to show it who’s boss by giving it a light smack on the ear, sufficiently hard to stun it for 20 minutes, stick it on the back of his Land Rover and plonk it in a nice enclosure on his farm.
And then turn our “Croc-zilla” into another on our ridiculously long list of tourist attractions. Ja, that’s just how we roll here in South Africa. We like to keep the “life” in “wildlife”.
* Dear Hatpeople, if you scroll up to your right on this page, you’ll see a big fat badge saying something about the 2010 South African Blog Awards. I’ve entered your “diagnosed SA-positive” blog into three categories: Best New Blog, Best Personal Blog and The Kulula Best Travel Blog. I wouldn’t be at all offended if you clicked on that there badge and nominated http://www.fredhatman.co.za in any of these categories (be sure to type in your e-mail address on the blog awards site for your nomination to be registered). In fact, were I to amaze all of us by winning something, the Birkenhead is on me – but not for Australians – down the Stanford Arms! Cheers!