How do you like that, hey? I can take you into the magnificent football arena that is Durban’s new World Cup 2010 stadium, without you having to even avert your gaze from your computer!
I know. It’s called epic kiffness, bru. And I bring it to you as just the first instalment of my public service campaign to enable you to enjoy the best of what the world has to offer… with no effort required from you, dear Hatpeople, to stray far from your coffee machine or even begin to think about enduring separation anxiety involving your cat, your goldfish, your guinea-pig, your Boa constrictor or whatever it is in the petworld which gives you warm fuzziness.
It’s fine. It’s what I do. For you. Because I love you. I do. You take the trouble to visit my blog every day and, in return, I show my intense loveness for you by giving you nice surprises. It’s good to give. As the saying that came to me the other day goes: “Give and ye shall receive.” I’m quite pleased with that. Use it. Don’t use it. Entirely up to you.
Coolness. So what have I for the ones what I love today? Ah, this just came in this morning. My highly specialised Internet Brains Trust, working out of the garden shed behind Hatman Mansions, popped something on to my lappy (er. that’s my laptop for those of you naughty ones) which, when you press play, takes you on a guided tour of whatever it is you’d like to be guided around.
Paris, a pile-up on the N2, Brad Pitt’s buns, The Great Undiscovered Catacombs Of Umdloti, whatever. Up to you, babies. The world’s your cloister (another saying I dreamt up on the loo on another epiphanic morning). Right now, because the first football match is being played at our (if you are lucky enough to live in Durban) spanking-new and utterly off-the-hook Moses Mabhida Stadium, I thought I’d give you an insider’s preview. With my Fredsynth Stadium Tour Machine. It’s kiffness on an epic scale.
Glory in this… (oh, ja, you might have to download some software for this but, believe me, it’s totally worth it!)
OK. I’m sorry. I’m off to give the hairdryer treatment to Head Boff Algy. Because I explicitly asked him to include some i-marges of the players’ dressing-rooms and the nincompoop left them out. These techie codey stringy thready geeksters are all severely ADD, I tell you!
But, hey, what did you think of that, apart from the dressing-rooms? Words fail you, yes? Don’t worry. I was speechless for at least six seconds after arriving for my first tour of MMS, as we who are close to The Big Mama of World Cup stadiums now refer to her.
And, be still my thumping-out-of-my-chest heart, I’ve been given VIP access to attend AmaZulu vs Maritzburg United there on Sunday afternoon. I can’t sleep I’m so excited. And, don’t worry my Hatpeople, even if I get stuck nibbling canapes and sushi next to Mr Zuma or Mr Mkhize – or even that nice Mr Sutcliffe – I’m going to be blowing my vuvuzela so hard that you might even see The Arch shake from the Berea. Toodlepip!
* A highly theatrical doff, similar to that of the arch at MMS, of the old red hat to Rich McLennan of the official Durban World Cup 2010 website for sending in the raw material for Algy and his team to fine-tune (up to a point).