The Heart & Sole Tour – The Last Post: Never mind the bollards!

Only now am I able to deliver the Last Post on The Heart and Sole Tour saga.

And it is delivered in pretty much the same key as Peter Sellers used to such diabolical effect in the opening scenes of The Party.

I hope that you, dear Hatpeople, will find this as funny. But I doubt it.

Because it’s not. It has taken me damn nigh a week to even begin to drain the porridge from my stultified brain and start to order some thought process about the rather epic two-month unicycle ride from Durban to Cape Town, which ended in dramatic fashion at The V&A Waterfront last Friday.

In the case of our phenomenally gutsy unicyclist, Geoff Brink, it was utter physical exhaustion which enveloped him once the adrenaline began to ebb from his body at the end of his record 2,000km one-wheeled feat. But it was the mental pressure required of us to focus on finishing our cavalier mission, amid some distracting sideshows, which led to us spectacularly falling out at the finish line.

Kim, Geoff's fiancee, joins the Heart and Sole Tour at Peregrine's Farm Stall near Grabouw on the penultimate day of the crazy ride

And only now can this story be told.

Please know that we were always mindful of the fact that the Heart and Sole Tour was about raising awareness of the awful devastation that landmines continue to wreak on the lives of innocent civilians around the world. And, of course, it should always have been about that alone. But Geoff Brink and I are only human. And very fallible humans at that. So it was that, early in the tour, when pressure was brought to bear on us from back home, that the ugly spectre of the male ego leapt to the fore. The jostling for position in the Heart & Sole roadside pod of the alpha male instinct began to permeate the high-spirited vibe of our beautiful roadtrip.

Don’t get me wrong. There were bucketfuls of banter, a chuckling stream of laughs and a camaraderie that one comes to expect of two friends combining to achieve something both mad and magnificent. In fact, many of you might question whether the flipside of our tour should be told at all. The Heart & Sole Tour undoubtedly achieved its objective and what purpose is there in hanging out the stinky unwashed laundry for all to sniff at? What goes on tour stays on tour and all that crap.

Geoff "Heartman" Brink negotiates the downhill treachery of Sir Lowry's Pass. A moment of respectfulness, please!

I’ll answer that. I have mulled over this for nearly a week. I am fascinated by the human condition. That is why I chose journalism as a career. I am equally captivated by the human spirit. And this piece of introspection – should that be “retrospection”? – is about wanting to understand how Geoff and I managed to complete our trip despite our differences as much as because of the unity we displayed when it really mattered.

I have talked with people about this since I emerged blinking into the bright Cape Town sunlight from the highly buffered bubble that was our “hard shoulder crawl” across our great country. Some have drawn comparisons with “The Long Way Down”, Ewan McGregor’s and Charlie Boorman’s motorcycle jaunt from Britain through Europe and down to the foot of Africa.

I must confess that I have yet to watch the whole movie. Geoff and I began to watch it as an entertaining aside to our minimal preparation for the Heart and Sole Tour but, dismayed by the showiness, grandstanding and, quite frankly, over-indulgence displayed over what amounted to a pretty easy ride, fell asleep.

I don’t see the similarities. Yes, Geoff’s fiancee, Kim Millar joined us towards the end of our ride, a development that, for me, was both unexpected and temporarily gripped me with trepidation… but, such was my determined hyperfocus on getting our unicyclist safely to the Mother City that her presence in the back-up truck proved to matter not a jot. And I know that Geoff was greatly motivated by his sweetheart to bravely finish what he had started.

Mmmm. "Cape Town, 40km"? Take that!

What caused our “Skirmish at The Clock Tower” was the result of two very tired minds and one exhausted body melting down after 58 days of intense concentration and unbelievable strain. So what happened, you may ask? OK. Fair question. But I’m not saying. I have too much respect for what Geoff achieved and, yes, for what we as a team did for people who deserve a better life than to tarnish in detail the magnificent outcome of the Heart and Sole Tour.

Never mind the bollards which prohibited myself and the back-up truck from following our unicyclist – and our final-day amaonetya.co.za escort of unicyclists Alan van Heerden and Johnny Cronje down to the Clock Tower. After watching Geoff’s back for 58 days and nigh on 2,000km, a row of concrete bollards stopped me from seeing the boys home. Emotions spilled over. There were harsh words. It was unsavoury. It was, after what we had been through, almost inevitable. It happened. It is over. It’s gone. Gone, gone, gone. No regrets. We move on. We have learned lessons.

Johnny (left) and Alan (right) of amaonetya.co.za and OddWheel Unicycles escort Geoff into Cape Town and safely down to the V & A Waterfront. Awesomeness, guys!

Before we set out on December 28, 2009 on a mission which many called impossible, both Geoff and I knew that there would be challenges for which we could not prepare, that lessons would be taught that might make better people of us. And so it proved. And I am massively thankful for this gift. I remain privileged to have had the experience of supporting Geoff Brink on his incredible journey.

Crikey, what a ripper, Nige! You are a total mensch.

All pix (apart from this one): Hatman

* I will be working with Kai von Pannier of The Sole of Africa to draw up a full list of individuals, companies and establishments which should be acknowledged for the part they played in helping The Heart and Sole Tour to achieve its objective.

In the meantime, I would like to thank these people for the enormous help – and inspiration – they gave Geoff and I: John Fogarty, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Kim Millar, Olivia “OJ” Symcox, Rox-ann Govender, Kai and Cindy von Pannier, Mike Kendrick, Toni Rowland, Dilana, Sir Richard Branson, John L. Evans, Alan van Heerden, Johnny Cronje, Sharon Heger Basel, Steve Connor, Jimmy Reynolds, Andre Cronje, Rob Gower, Rich and Sarah McLennan, Neil and Hayley Millar, Kathy Reay, Dennis Theron, Pierre and Elise Brink, Jonny and Jane Roberts, Keith Chapman, Vaughan Raw, Warren Bartram, Donatella Pontesilli, Doc and Maggie Mears, Mama Cordelia, Martin Schroder, Toni Brodelle, Emily Shayler, Paul Chew, Janet Marshall, Marc Forrest, Mike Adams, Mandy Morgan, Fred and Yolandi Roed, Mike Perk, Clayton and Paula Whitaker, Father Matthias, Mama Zondeka, Nic Nel, Marcelle Delew-Kappen, Andreas Kappen, Brett Horner, Julie Davies, Seth Rotherham, Mike Kuttner, Jacqui Daniels, Riaan Manser, Bob Skinstad, Claire Alexander, Dave Duarte, Chris Rawlinson, Mike Saxby, Ken Taytasac, Penny Sandham, Carol-Anne Stephenson, Craig Bettridge, Vicky Nardell, Annette Oberholster, Helen Walne, Brandon McGugan, Martina Gilli, Michelle Solomon, Krista (New York), Neal Collins, Chris Whitfield, Lesley Byram, Marilyn Bernard, Wendy Landau, Dhashen Moodley. If anybody feels left out, it’s because you will be thanked in the full list to appear on both The Sole Of Africa website and this blog.

* One last thing. Both Geoff and I exhausted our savings on The Heart & Sole Tour. He’s a freelance photographer and a very good one at that. We both need to find paid work, he to finance his forthcoming wedding, I to pay the rent for a ramshackle dwelling down near the river. Should you have some paid work to slide our way, that would be completely cool. Ta!

Wowness! The Heartman rolls out a 36-inch monster (unicycle)!

Do forgive me, dear Hatpeeps, for my brief flirtation with salacious headline writing but I am in irrepressible form right now. In fact, there is a downright over-the-moonness about my disposition.

This morning, Geoff “Heartman” Brink mounted a 36 inch wheel monster unicycle – on which he will cover 1,700km from Durban to Cape Town later this month – for the first time and rode it 20km from Umdloti to Ballito with no little aplomb. Dare I say he rode it with gusto? I do. Dare I say he rode it with the expertise one would expect of a seasoned unicyclist who has been one-wheeling it for years and not just two months. I would. And I do.

And was he totally knackered when we, er, rolled into Ballito’s Lifestyle Centre for carbs and double espressos? Yes, he was. But for those unbelievers who have doubted that old Heartie will make it to Cape Town, I can now unequivocally say this: “Doubt no more those of ye who dare doubt us. We are going to chuffing cruise this Heart & Sole baby. Bring it on!”

Let’s have a squiz at the 36″ vibe put out by The Heartman this morning, shall we?

Oopsness! What's this? Be at peace, my babies, because Heartie's simply showing off his 36 incher against the comparative size of the wheels on this large flatbed truck we encountered on the side of the road. I think his monster wheel stacks up quite nicely in this shot, don't you?

Oopsness! What's this? Be at peace, my babies, because Heartie's simply showing off his 36 incher against the comparative size of the wheels on this large flatbed truck we encountered on the side of the road. I think his monster wheel stacks up quite nicely in this shot, don't you?

Cool. I feel we are trundling along rather nicely here. And we were until, after pulling this little stunt purely for your benefit, I drove the back-up vehicle over his foot while trying to get over to the far left of the hard shoulder and out of the way of a potential killer pantechnicon. Heartie’s a very congenial oke but, after hopping around a bit while clutching his foot, he refused to see the funny side of this scenario until some minutes after I had poured a bottle of Glaceau Vitaminwater (lemon flavour) over his foot, administered a Mickey Mouse plaster to an arb spot on the wrong foot and smacked him soundly behind the earhole to calm him down.

Then he wouldn’t stop laughing. Funny guy. Tough oke. We’re cool. So what happened next? Oh, the usual me driving at 11 km/hr with Just Jinger blaring out and cracking up at the sight of him trying to wobble up a long hill without being taken out by a sugar-cane lorry… and then we arrived at a toll station. Motorbikes, cars, minibus taxis and caravans pay R6.50 said the sign. What would a unicyclist have to cough up to be allowed to continue up the North Coast N2?

Heartie tried to get the toll booth cashier to accept 50c (for another photo-opp) but the guy ducked in horror when he clapped eyes on our nutty unicyclist…

Maybe his wife doesn't know he works at the toll station but the cashier ducked for cover when I wanted to snap Heartman tried to pay his way

Maybe his wife doesn't know he works at the toll station but the cashier ducked for cover when I wanted to snap Heartman trying to pay his way

If truth be told, the new 36-incher tested muscles Heartman didn’t know he had and our intrepid adventurer had a minor meltdown while climbing a 5km-long hill near our destination. He won’t thank me but I have to show you what that looked like… only because I like to see him in pain.

Knackeredness. But after mumbling something about "a big wheel", "big hills" and a "chuffing sore bum" - and asking me to remind him why he was doing this - our boy restraddled his new hairy beast of a bike...

Knackeredness. But after mumbling something about "a big wheel", "big hills" and a "chuffing sore bum" - and asking me to remind him why he was doing this - our boy restraddled his new hairy beast of a bike...

You have to hand it to him. The Heartman knows not the meaning of “giving up”. And it is this that will propel him through the pain barriers to be presented by 1,700km of tar between here and Cape Town. And, in these moments, my mantra to him will be: “It’s for those kids who have lost legs in Mozambique, Heartie. It’s for the beautiful woman you want to marry in some style. And it’s for you. Because doing this thing will make you an even better person than you already are.”

And I know how much he wants that.

* The Heart & Sole Tour team (and The Sole of Africa campaign run by The Mineseeker Foundation) would like to thank Odd Wheel for sponsoring Heartman’s 36″ unicycle…

Oddwheellogo

… and Rob Gower of GowerPower for hisĀ  provision of specialised sports nutrition supplements for our crazy adventure.

GowerPower

You are helping Africa to get back on its legs.